


My Other Self

by Utsukishi



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Bokushi, Major Manga Spoilers, Other, akashis point of view, i mean i even mention the sequel so yeah, no speaking i guess, oreshi - Freeform, read if you already read the manga or dont mind being spoiled
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-17
Updated: 2015-01-17
Packaged: 2018-03-08 00:04:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3188297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Utsukishi/pseuds/Utsukishi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"All I heard was laughter from behind me as I watched the blood drip onto the white as snow carpets. When I turned around, all I saw was my favourite butler, his eyes wide with fear." </p>
<p>(yet again a quote from the fic instead of actually writing a summary orz )</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Other Self

**Author's Note:**

> idk what I even wrote I just really like this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YTNV05wqFHU  
> and I got an idea for a fic so I decided to just write it.  
> I was gonna write it when I went on holiday but I guess I really didnt want to write any of my assignments and I ended up writing this fic instead. Im sorry for any spelling or grammar mistakes. Too lazy to check over it tbh  
> Anyway, enjoy the fic!

> It's already painful. It's very painful. Why is it this much painful?   
>  Ah it's painful. I want to let you know. I only want you to know.   
>  It's already agonizing. It's very agonizing. Why is it this much agonizing?   
>  I want to see you. I want to see you. This area of my chest feels very painful.

The days slowly go by. My mind is blank and I just follow my father's orders. It's quiet and the mansion doesn't seem as bright as it used to be. Instead of flowers, dark corners with monsters waiting for me – waiting to devour me. Instead of the painting my mother had painted are blank walls with lights that seem to be slowly eaten by darkness. The light from outside is covered by heavy red curtains that I, Akashi Seijuurou, am unable to move. Too weak and too helpless to do anything to make this place like it used to be. My 8 year old body refusing to follow my own orders and just following the same routine over and over again. The last light of hope slowly losing its brightness. Day by day I follow the same old routine... Everything had changed after my mother had died...

> I was the one who caused the pain. I inflicted many injuries upon myself.    
>  They will eventually go away if I leave them be, but the pain is too great to ignore.

_'Do you want to play?'_ Was what the mysterious voice once told me. Did I want to play? What kind of game did it mean? I agreed, hoping that my day would seem less robotic. I let the voice order me around. It ended when I smashed a vase and cut my hand. All I heard was laughter from behind me as I watched the blood drip onto the white as snow carpets. When I turned around, all I saw was my favourite butler, his eyes wide with fear. No wonder he was scared. I was a mess. My eyes wide and my mouth curled up in a psychotic smirk before I burst out laughing, tears rolling down my face as I realised what has become of me.

_'You're so stubborn, Seijuurou.'_ The voice had come back and was telling me to break and break. To smash more things but I refused. My father had already told me he was disappointed in me and how if I continued to misbehave, he wouldn't consider me his son. I didn't want to lose my father a mere year after losing my mother. I refused to listen to the voice inside of my head and locked it away. I would let it talk but I wouldn't let it gain any control over me and my thoughts. I would simply do more and more work. However, sometimes I'd start laughing and crying while taking baths. I hated this routine. I wanted a change so I ended up letting the voice sometimes voice his thoughts...

> Once I've locked myself away I can't see anything. I'm the only one to comprehend this pain.    
>  This is so very unreasonable and unfair! Someone please understand my anguish already!

When I first joined the Teiko Basketball Club, I could tell I would be moved to the first string after the first test. With me, joined 3 other members. Midorima Shintarou, Murasakibara Atsushi, and Aomine Daiki. They had great talents and I wanted to enjoy playing basketball with them. I wanted to create a team which would get along and win every match. Nearly a year later, near the end of the first year, I met Kuroko Tetsuya – our future to be phantom sixth man...

We played and we enjoyed our time together and became an even better team when Kise Ryouta joined the Generation of Miracles. I sometimes heard the voice talking to me and I think Midorima had started to notice how sometimes my speech changes. He has already encountered  _him_ without knowing it. I wish he would have realised it and I wish I was brave enough to tell them about him.

_'You can't escape from me, Seijuurou.'_ He would repeat as I tried to keep him away from me. It was starting to become unbearable.

> Stay away. Stay away. Don't stir me up like that.    
>  Don't worry. Don't worry. Don't shriek to me about every little thing.    
>  Go away. Go away. Yes, I'll disappear sooner or later.    
>  So just pretend to be fine and put up with all of it.

I felt his presence more and more. He was slowly taking more control than me. Soon enough, our team started to fall apart. I only wanted to enjoy basketball but all I got was pain and pain and pain.  _'Just let me take over! It won't hurt!'_ He would whisper when I was vulnerable but I managed to keep control of my body. I wouldn't let him win so easily and I would fix our team. I gave orders... but sometimes, after games where my memory seemed to miss bits, I would realise he took control and made me slowly break the team bit by bit.

After sending Kuroko after Aomine, I ended up giving up all control. The Miracles had surpassed me and I no longer had any control over them. I let him move me. I let him speak for me. I let him take over while I, Akashi Seijuurou, stayed in what seemed like water. Slowly floating and watching everything around me.  _'This is for the best, Seijuurou. Just stay quiet and watch.'_

I did.

> I've done it again. I have yet to pinpoint the cause.    
>  An arrogant jerk is throwing his weight around. My wounds are stinging, throbbing, and numbing.

I continued to watch as things happened. I was weak but that didn't excuse me for doing wrong. The other me made the team stop team work and we became the kind of team which I hated. It was painful to watch us all fall apart and drift away from each other. During our last championship, before our very last game, I visited Kuroko. He let me speak. He let me promise something before taking over and crushing that last promise in his hands. I felt the crumble in my pain and I gave up on ever returning as long as he was going forward with nothing but victory in mind. He had tossed me aside, feeling numb and alone.

I joined Raku- no. We joined Rakuzan and he became the new Captain. He had forgotten all about me while all I did, was watch Mibuchi Reo, Nebuya Eikichi, Hayama Kotarou, and Mayuzumi Chihiro. I had managed to learn all their strengths and weaknesses. I would take over one day and I would let them enjoying playing not because they win, but because they get to play at full power.

> Oh yes. Oh yes. Everything will be fine if you just put up with it.    
>  Please do that. Please do that. Please keep deceiving yourself.    
>  Fly away. Fly away. I will send some signs to you this time.    
>  If you keep acting so tough, you'll tire yourself out, you know?

During our training and the Inter-High I started to slowly stop believing in coming back. He never gave us a chance to play against Aomine or Murasakibara and as the summer dragged on, I realised that it might be easier to just give up and help him out a bit.  _'Since I always win, I am always right.'_ Was I? Was he? Were we?

I followed his lead and the Winter Cup had started. Everyone was still the same. Kuroko, Midorima, and Kise playing because they love basketball. Aomine and Murasakibara playing because they are good but... do they still enjoy basketball as much as they used to? After Kuroko's and Aomine's match, I realised how easy it was to change. That night, I decided to wait for Kuroko. I wished he would come and beat the other me. Make him vulnerable enough for me to take over and make him disappear. Until then, I had to patiently wait.

_'I will gauge my eyes out, and give them to you.'_ He accepted nothing but victory and my hope to have Kuroko beat him started to falter.

> I'll manipulate my brain into thinking that the pain is actually ecstasy.    
>  Without any limit, I want to complete it avidly.    
>  BUT once I come to an impasse and experience a setback, I begin reflecting seriously.    
>  It is impossible for me to rewind time and only slow-replay the good parts    
>  in an futile attempt to evade God.

After beating Shintarou – no. After beating Midorima I started to think that living like this wouldn't be so bad. If he continued to win, I would soon disappear so I might enjoy my time here. The two of us left Kuroko hopeless and we had crushed Seirin. Their captain kept on the bench after  _I_ ordered Mibuchi to give him more fouls. I was becoming the same monster that he was. Or was I just imagining it? What was reality and what was the world were I had 'floated'? I had to stay sane but he entered the zone after Seirin came back.

However, Kagami Taiga, the miracle that didn't become one of the miracles, and Kuroko had finally made him weak. I wanted to let him continue for a bit longer. To completely lose and when the time came, I would crush him. However, I decided to come back after hearing Mayuzumi.  _'Who are you?'_

I'm Akashi Seijuurou, of course.

> It's almost time, it's almost time, for my job here to be done.  __  
>  Very soon, very soon, I will release you from this pain.  __  
>  However, however, I want you to think about me from time to time.  _  
> _ If you should ever forget me, I will appear before you again. Don't get carried away now.  __  
>  Even just for a little bit, please take care.

He was weakened and I wished to make him disappear but it doesn't always work the way we wanted. He wanted to stay in control and I wanted to make him disappear. I took control but we merely switched places. I won't let him get up form his place. He's locked away and his mouth shut tight. I let him run his mouth for so long, he won't be able to say a word. I could get rid of him later in life but... I think I've grown attached. He is just like a little brother that I never had.

> It's gone. It's nowhere to be found. That bastard is nowhere to be seen.   
> That pain no longer exists anywhere. There's nothing agonizing anymore.   
> It's gone. It's nowhere to be found. You are nowhere to be seen.   
> Although my pain should have disappeared, although there shouldn't be anything agonizing anymore,

I continued to play and made Rakuzan play at 90% since I had watched them playing for so long. However, no matter how close we were to victory, Kuroko had beat us. It was fair. It was what had to happen and although it was painful, I won against my other self thanks to Kuroko. I was finally able to apologise to my old team mates and we all started hanging out again. We played together and met up a lot after our first year of High school had ended. We started making up for all those times we had wasted in Teiko and we even gained a new formidable ally.

Soon, we had to play in a more serious game as a team. We had to play against Americans that talked trash about Japanese basketball players. We won thanks to Kuroko and although we didn't change their way of thinking, they realised that maybe, Japanese basketball players aren't as bad as they had expected them to be.

> I feel agonized. For some reason I'm agonized. Why do I feel so much agonized?   
> This is something I looked forward to, but why do I feel that something is lacking?   
> It's already painful. It's very painful. This time something feels very painful.   
> Although I shouldn't feel any pain anymore, this area of my chest feels very painful again.

Everything after that was fine. I continued to be a Captain in Rakuzan and I enjoyed competing against my friends during Inter-High and Winter Cup but...

_' Do you want to play?'_ I heard his voice yet again.

 


End file.
